are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
