THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
