My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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