I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
