dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
