i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize