I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
