'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize