He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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