If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
