He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
