wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
