How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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