y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
