Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
