i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
