Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
