I cockslap morals
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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