i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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