Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
