Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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