the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
