kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize