I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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