it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
