yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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