After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
