woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
