and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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