An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Shame is for Republicans.
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