That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We have started to decorate penises.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
