it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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