How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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