you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
