i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
