i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
