when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
