I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
