Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
