Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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