if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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