You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
