Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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