so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
