Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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