I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
