You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
