Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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