So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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