On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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