Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
