Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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