I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
