Is it because I queefed?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
