ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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