sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
