a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
