I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
