You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
