Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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