We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The best revenge is premature balding
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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