the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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