In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
