He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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