Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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