Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
