Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
