You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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