That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
