I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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