He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
