new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
