I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
