Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
