The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
