I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
