If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
