just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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