I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize