guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
