Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You need Xanax blowdarts
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
