never play flip cup with pint glasses
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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