What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
