I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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